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Wednesday, 17 December 2008

  • self-discovery mode.

    for once in my life i came to a realization. and not the kind where you are read a cool quote and are like that's cool. the kind of realization when you are sitting somewhere and everyone is bustling around and you get lost in the moment. you become encumbered by the fact that you are alone; but it doesn't matter. people that you thought you knew, you never really did. people that you thought cared never really did. and its not a bothersome idea to observe the busy cheer of it all and realize that no one cares what you think, who you are, what you feel. in that moment an idea floods your mind that maybe living as someone else isn't worth it. maybe exsisting to make someone happy will never make them like you and it will always leave you unsatisfied. there's a reason certain people end up together.  they embrace the fallacies of each other and don't want them to fit the mold. life stopped in this moment for me today. i knew something that i once had thought was just a cool quote was something that is accurate about me. and its what i want to live by...
    "I want to be who I am and say what I feel, because the people who mind, don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.”

Thursday, 04 December 2008

  • Currently
    Slippery When Wet
    By Bon Jovi
    Living on a Prayer
    see related

    31 reasons I am not in a relationship.

       I saw this list and stole some of the answers, elaborated and got rid of the ones i don't agree with. So here are the thirty-one reasons no normal person would want to be in a long-term relationship with me:

       1. I am terribly honest.  I can't lie and will probably tell you things you definitely DON'T want to hear.
       2. Loyalty, I've got it in spades.  Once I decide I actually care for you, that's it.  It takes a lot for me to stray even after I know the end is near or that you aren't exactly in tune with the same level of loyalty.
       3. I have a hard time trusting people.  If I don't think I can trust you, I'm sure you're hiding something and, therefore, cannot be trusted.  If I get a red flag saying not to trust you, I'll find a reason to make sure you have earned my trust.
      4. Acceptance that freaks me out. Me trying to accept other people, like inviting them to my house or them inviting me to their house is terrifying because I fear rejection if things get boring.
      5. I sing loudly and terribly to songs that no one wants to hear.
      6. I come with baggage, no friends, strong dislike of family, and trust issues (see above).
      7. Do you like hearing random stories about people you don't care about?  I love telling them. 
      8. I don't like wearing tight clothes, makeup, or doing my hair.
      9. I don't smoke or drink.  I abhor both. 'nuff said.
      10. I don't swear, and I don't like it when other people do.
      11. I'm a Christian and I only want to date Christians. Partially because I'm narrow-minded, partially because I believe that non-Christians and Christians have different views on the world and I want to be with someone who helps me grow closer to God and not further from him.
      12. Saying I am inexperienced with the opposite sex is definitely an understatement.
      13. I'm a sucker for "doing the right thing," 99% of the time.
      14. I don't like hunting or fishing.  However, fishing can be tolerated if you throw them back.
      15. I fear nearly everything in the appropriate dose.
      16. I think in long term, not short term (read: I'm into the whole marriage bit).
      17. I have crazy wild opinions and its very hard for me to be open-minded.
      18. I am very awkward and don't know what to say in most social situations. 
      19. I care about people more than they will ever know, but its hard for to express it.
      20. I am constantly on the go, and I want to be able to work and do my extracurricular activies without worring that he wants to always spend time with me.
      21. I need my space. When I need my space, I mean I need my space. Just because I would be dating someone doesn't mean I want them to know every cotton-picking detail of my life. So when I say I am busy, that means you are not invited. Sorry if I hurt your feelings.
      22. I want to be a virgin when I get married and most guys A) don't believe me B) don't care C) think I'll have sex with them anyway. Uhm... no. wrong answer.
      23. I am hard to get along with. Its probably because of half of the reasons on this list. 
      24. I love to read. I'm sorry that I am in the middle of a decent book and I'm not gonna put it down to text you. 
      25. I am not an open person. If you want to know more about me you are gonna have to search, baby.
      26. I have a hard time forgiving people. I am working on it, but it doesn't happen overnight. = [
      27. I love to write and I would want someone to read my writing. 
      28. I write for me. Don't ask me to write you a love song. I write break up songs. 
      29. Not everything I do is for you. (see my break up songs) I write better about things I have never experienced. Its really wierd but that's what I do.
      30. I love making cakes and they taste so bad, but I would make you one on your birthday not to gain your favor, but to show you I really do like you.
      31. If anyone can tolerate the above, you are certifiably insane and I doubt I will embark on a relationship with a kook.

Thursday, 27 November 2008

  • what you don't know.

    is that being honest is actually really hard.
    today i was totally and brutally honest and it was awkward
    a little bit, but not totally. and i think i learned
    that it takes to people to make an awkward moment.
    yes. and that i shouldn't be afraid.
    of being honest about how i'm feeling and what i'm feeling.
    because in the long run i'm really just hiding
    who i am and being kinda fake. which yeah, is bad.
    so i figured out when someone is comfortable hearing the truth.
    like 100% i-won't-laugh-at-you-or-judge-you comfortable
    that's how true friends are made. and that's how i want
    to make other people feel.
    because once you realize how powerful someone has
    been in your life and how they are changing you because of whatever.
    you think about what they've done and why and how.
    and you realize if you can only be a fraction of the person that they are.
    then honestly, no-holds-barred, you can make the world a better place.
    by making the people around you feel like they have a friend.
    like they have...
    love.

Tuesday, 04 November 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Songs About Jane
    By Maroon 5
    Sunday Morning, She Will Be Loved
    see related

    so tired

    of the election.
    as much as everyone is
    going to regret it, obama
    is going to win. and there
    gonna be a lot of complaining.
    so... stop talking about it.
    its really annoying.
    ohman yes.
    and i have a paper to
    write about it. let's get excitied. = [

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Plans
    By Death Cab for Cutie
    I Will Follow You into the Dark
    see related

    today was tight

    ohyes.
    i was ballin' all day.
    us history makes me love life even if no one can ever guess how many times the teacher will cuss. lol.
    and art was really relaxing. ahhh yes. i'm done with those paint stix. when i come back i am just gonna scrap. = ]
    and then lunch was pretty fly. i love a lunch. it makes me happy.
    and math, so i was freaking out about the test and when i took it, i wanted to jump up and down because it was sooooo easy!!! man, last years test made me litterally cry every time. and the homework, i did it all except one problem! yay. and then i went back later and i got an 85!!! this is coming form the queen of test grades that were exceptional is they were a 74. so now you see where i'm coming from. and english, well it was english. nothing too bad or too boring. i got an 83 on the vocab quiz so i'm not too disappointed.
    key club was pretty wicked.
    i like recycling more than anyone will every know. its crazy.
    and we always get treats after it, so that's nice of her.
    i keep getting the best answer on yahoo answers! go me! i'm helping people. lol.
    so if you have a problem. haha jk. but seriously i'll talk to you whenever you need to talk.
    church was about grace. something i need to give more people. sorry guys.

    Quote: "I'll never know how much you love me until you show it."

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technicalsimplicities

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